Mike

Well, I guess you haven’t heard of me yet.

But you will.

Even if I have drawn the short straw…

The guys and me got together in a rock band about a year ago when we were 17.

First we played at school and all the kids thought we were pretty cool. Then we pooled our money and hired a hall and that was pretty cool too. All the kids from school turned up to hear us play and they brought lots of their friends too.

We didn’t lose nuthin’ like as much money as we thought we would.

Cool.

But getting’ bookings out of town ain’t so easy.

We sent off demo tapes to the record companies but never heard nuthin’ back.

Davey even stole some money from his mom’s purse so he could go upstate and visit them - but they wouldn’t even let him through the door.

“Gotta have an appointment”, they said.

I bet Eminem don’t have that problem.

But two weeks ago Davey saw a small ad in the paper. Said a producer was looking for new bands. It was weird ‘cos this one didn’t want a demo tape - just a photograph of us all. I couldn’t make that out. Why don’t he want to hear our music?

But then Davey - he’s the bright one - says “Look, man. These days bands gotta look cool too. Don't matter how good you sing if you don’t look right.”

A few days later Davey got a call from this guy. Says he likes what he sees and wants to meet. But not with us all. Just needs to see one of us to find out a bit more. And the one he wants to meet is me.

He says he thinks that I’ve got a real future in the music business. Me. But not the guys. He says that all big stars gotta be ruthless - gotta ditch their hangers-on - gotta do bad things to get to the top.

Cool.

He says he could make me a real star. But it’ll cost.

Not money.

I guess I gotta do it. I know the music business is full of fags so maybe you got to put out for them a little bit if you want to get on.

And it’ll be cool to be a star.

He gets me to take my shorts right down now ‘cos he wants to see my dick. Shit, man, dozens of guys see my dick every week in the locker room at school. This ain’t so bad.

Cool.

And then, like, he says he wants to see my ass. My ass? Shit, that’s nothin’ to do with sex anyway, is it? If this is all it takes to be a star in the music business, count me in!

It’s gettin’ a bit too easy I guess, ‘cos next thing he asks, like, is for me to sit down in a chair and start jackin’ off.

Now don’t get me wrong here. Jackin’ off is easy - hell, I do it ten times a day! But never in front of no camera.

Maybe he thinks, like, I’m gettin’ nervous.

“If you wanna back out now, Mike, it’s cool”, he says.

“Maybe the music business ain’t for you after all?”

I start jackin’

After I’ve cum and washed up, the guy says he’s gotta see some other guys now so I gotta go. He’ll be in touch.

But as I go down the street I remember I’ve left my wallet behind (“Don’t need no unsightly bulges in the pants, Mike. Well - only real ones!”).

So I go back. The door’s open, like, and I go back upstairs to the bedroom - er, office.

He’s on the phone to someone.

“Sure… I think you’ve got a great future in music ahead of you. You could be real big. But we gotta have some pictures for the magazines.

“Can you come up to town tomorrow? Great! I’ll meet you off the 1 o’clock train.

“Look forward to meeting you then, Davey.”

Cool.

So here I am in his office.

Well, it’s not exactly his office. It’s a small bedroom at the back of his house.

Well, it’s not really his house either. ‘Cos he says, like, his big house is having a new wing built, so for now he’s just stayin’ with a friend who ain’t so well off like him.

But that’s cool. I know it ain’t no sting ‘cos, like, he’s got posters for the Grammys on the wall. OK, I may not know what the Grammys are, but I know they’re somethin’ to do with the music business. Right?

Cool.

Boy, this guy sure gets down to business real quick.

Like, he don’t even want me to sing. First thing we gotta do he says is to get some pictures for the magazines.

So I gotta take my shirt off.

I’m OK with that. I work out in school and all the chicks say I’ve got a great body. I think this guy thinks so too.

Cool.

He says the shots look pretty good but we gotta get somethin’ more sexy next.