Renzo

I guess that all of us have got a dream job.

The one we'd much rather be doing.

Maybe one we'd actually do for nothing - or even pay to be able to do it.

My good buddy Tyler tells me that he gets letters all the time from guys offering to come to the HMBoys.com office and work as a photographer or writer - or even as the guy who cleans the john - just for the chance to meet the boys.

Well, all in all, cleaning the john - particularly after what goes on there at HMBoys! - isn't for me.

But I'd just love to be a travel writer.

And, of all the places in the world, I'd choose to write my first piece about Rio.

If you've been there, you'll know why. It's lively, colourful, energetic, fun and very, very gay.

My first bit of advice to anyone going there, though, would be "go with a friend".

Usually I'd say that because travelling as a twosome's more enjoyable. You can swap thoughts and opinions (and even boys!) as you go along.

But I'd advise going to Rio in pairs for quite another reason - safety!

Because Rio definitely has a crime problem. Go out onto the streets after dark with even the cheapest watch on - let alone a wallet - and don't say I didn't warn you of the consequences…

As a regular traveller there - but one who appreciates the freedom of travelling solo - I make sure I hire a bodyguard as soon as I arrive.

He's Freddy, one of those out-of-work guys who spends all day hanging out at the local gym, building up those muscles and hoping to meet (and probably fuck for money) a rich American tourist.

Well, Freddy's some way over 30 now so that doesn't happen to him too often any more. But he's built like a brick wall and looks pretty mean and so he's ideal for my purpose.

And, since I've taken up with him on my visits, I don't get any hassle on the streets at all.

(Just in case you're wondering, by the way, I do, once in a while, utilise his other talents too - but only if I'm drunk enough not to feel the pain!)

Anyway, you're not here to read about a 30+ years old thug (even one with a heart and dick of gold.)

You're here to read about Renzo.

My Rio street kid.

It was, oddly, his hands that I noticed first.

But maybe that wasn't so odd as I could hardly miss feeling them slipping into my back pockets one night as I was watching a street parade.

Like I said, I know enough not to go out with a great deal of money on me in Rio - even when Freddy's in tow - but Renzo wasn't to know that.

And he wasn't to know about Freddy either - at least, not until he felt a hand with the consistency of a blacksmith's anvil wrap itself around the back of his neck.

Left to himself, Freddy would probably have beaten Renzo to a pulp (after all, the boy was trying to steal his future pay packet), but there was something about him that made me feel sorry for the kid.

I'd have let him go with just a clip around the ear but Freddy, eager to do his patron what he thought would be a favour, jabbered something quickly and pretty harshly to Renzo in Portuguese and then turned back to me.

"The boy is very sorry, sir.

"He will do anything you require - anything - if you don't take him to the police."

And so that's how Renzo ended up back at my hotel room.

That, you might consider, was not the most sensible thing in the world to do. But Freddy was there in the room too - not to participate in the proceedings but just to make sure nothing went wrong.

As a guy who'd worked the city's gay saunas for the past 20 years, nothing he saw was likely to shock Freddy!

Renzo, on the other hand, was shocked. I think he really thought I'd have him cleaning my shoes or ironing my pants or something - in which case he was just about as dumb as his inept thieving would suggest.

I think Renzo learned a lesson that day.

In fact he learned several of which he had, up to then, been completely ignorant.

But one of the most useful is that he learned how to pose as a photographic model.

And I learned something useful too: that being a writer on gay travel - and being able to illustrate my pieces with pictures like these - was much the best way to sell my pieces for publication and get me that dream job that I'd always wanted.