Joshua

As I may have mentioned before, I think it's fair to say that explaining things clearly to other people isn't the boss's strongest point.

Part of it is that he mumbles too much and it's sometimes hard to make out the words.

There was that time I spent almost a whole week setting up a photoshoot for him in India, of all places. And it was only after I'd done all the work that it turned out he hadn't wanted the pictures shot in Delhi, India, at all but in the deli around the corner… (It was something to do with a scene involving salami, mayonnaise and an oversized - and potentially very painful - baguette, if I remember right.)

And part of it is that he thinks other people will automatically know what he's talking about.

I'll never forget the time he told a totally inexperienced boy who was offering to send us pics that he had to be sure to get the money shot - the end result of which was that shot #90 of the set showed the grinning model handing over $20 to the friend who'd taken the pics for him.

Now I'm telling you all this to help explain the confusion in the office the other day.

"Sack!" the boss suddenly said.

And when he gives you an order in that tone of voice it's more than your life's worth to even bother questioning it.

After all, the boss isn't just a man of few words - he's a man of even fewer syllables.

Some of the most common to be heard on an almost daily basis around the office include "Kneel!", "Open!", "Stretch!", "Unzip!" (a rare two-syllable utterance), "Spread!" and "Suck!" (you know when he really likes a boy, though, because then it's "Suck that dick!")

I guess it's all part of the office-boy job specification, but I can't say that I'd ever heard "Sack!" before.

At the time I just assumed it was short for "Get in the sack!" and so I started to head off for the photo studio where we keep the "jock's bedroom" set (the one where the boss usually interviews prospective new models).

But then he called me back.

"Tyler, you're sure as hell one stupid fuck!", he said kindly when I explained what I was doing.

"We'll do that later, now I think of it - but what I actually said was Zack!

"It's about time we had some more photos of Zack here on the site. At one point he was the most popular HMBoy we'd ever had - I've had to bring him back over and over again."

It's true.

Count them.

There are four sets of Zack here.

But, I explained to the boss, getting more pics of him wasn't gonna be that easy.

In the first place we lost track of Zack a couple of years ago (last time we heard of him he was shacked up with a wealthy Guatemalan meat magnate who clearly had a taste for Central European rump).

And, in the second place, for most of our members Zack's gonna be at least a couple of years past his sell-by date by now.

"So, stupid," said the boss endearingly, "find me a new Zack!"

And, after long searching through our files, that's what I've tried to do.

His name's Joshua and I don't think I've done too badly at all.

First of all, take a look at the real Zack…

And now take a look at Joshua…

Uncanny, huh?

Well, I think so, anyway.

Take a look at some more and I'm sure you'll agree I did well.

Hell, even the boss seemed to think so.

He was even hinting at a bonus.

Because l, as we headed off for that bedroom set in the photo studio, I distinctly heard him mutter: "Tyler, you lucky bastard, you're gonna get some great luck now…"

At least, I thought he said "luck"…